How to Talk Dating Like Generation Z: 51 Niche Terms for Romance, Sex and Bad Behaviour

This year signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {