My Friend Only Ever Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends with a woman, who has overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Several of her friends vanished then, as they were only interested in him. She was stunned by her. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we have each left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I attempt to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She's been arranging a holiday to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in previously. I attempted to share insights, but this was not welcomed. She essentially just desired my agreement with her choices. I have returned from a month there she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with a view to resolution demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state how things go when you talk. It should be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Next is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. The third step involves requesting how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative about themselves they won't abandon since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare with these people, just dead ends. However, she might initially present defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have closure knowing you were truthful.